Transforming Love Community

The Rev's Corner

	"What you are looking for, you are looking with." I REALLY WANT TO SEE by Reverend Shaheerah Stephens In 198I, I bought a 3-book series entitled, “A Course In Miracles”.  I practiced my daily lessons and I observed that I was changing how I saw people, situations, and myself.  Fear of course, unearthed itself, because change was taking place.  I kept studying and doing the daily exercises until I got to Chapter 15.    I decided this is just too much.  Hindsight showed me clearly that I was not ready to give up all of my dysfunction.  I really didn’t want to see fully.  The process of awakening often times means surrendering everything that you thought you knew and this process feels like death, and it is.  Yet, it is also “new life”.  The new “eternal” life, (the understanding that you are deathless and birthless).   There were places in my life that needed to be healed but I didn’t want my dysfunction dismantled, not fully at least.  I didn’t want to really see fully.   Once the light is turned on in a room you can no longer deny its contents but, you can, cover your eyes.  The light was on and I still managed to cover my eyes because the light was blatantly bright and made everything so transparent, especially me.   I wasn’t ready to release the pain that was buried underneath my years of spiritual devotion, study and training.  I couldn’t handle that level of honesty and truth because that level might hurt somebody and it was just better that I felt unhappy, sad, used and sometimes abused, because I was strong.  LOL…this s___ sounds so insane to me now yet, it is where I was.   In Chapter 15, vii we find an essay on “The Only Relationship”.  “You seek in your special relationships what you have thrown away.  Through the special relationships you will never learn the value of what you have cast aside but still desire with all your heart.”  The first time I read this I felt like I needed to hyperventilate…it took my breath away.  To seek something that you already have is insane.  We have been taught to practice insanity.  We have been taught to look on the outside of ourselves for everything.  And everything that we could ever possibly need is within us, “already”.   I didn’t want to continue with the reading of Chapter 15 because I really thought the essence of what it was saying was, “You don’t need to be in an intimate relationship.”  But that isn’t what it is saying.  It is really saying that our first relationship must be with Source and ourselves.  It is also saying that it would be wise to ask Spirit to show us the purpose of the relationship so that we don’t allow the Ego to control it with it’s agenda of what’s in it for me.   When we realize our oneness with Source and engage in a daily “relating” experience with the Creator, we don’t feel so lonely any more.  Yes, we might have our moments but we can always stop and turn within and “feel” the love of Source.  It’s the only eternal relationship and it’s the only one that can touch us in those deep, deep places.       A friend of mine wrote a song while we were in Chicago attending the Johnnie Coleman Institute one summer.  The first line of the song is so awesome.  It says, “What you are looking for, is looking.”  And I have heard it also said in this way,“What you are looking for, you are looking with.”    Relationships are our mirrors.  We attract people to play out the script that we have written.  We look to them for validation and approval.  Sometimes our neediness blinds us to the truth about who and what we are.  If you are not already happy, a relationship is not going to make you happy. They also don’t complete you because you are complete!   We have been pressed out of the body of God; therefore, we are already whole, complete and we are enough.  When I was at Unity’s School of Christianity completing my last year before ordination, we had a workshop leader to take us through a process and find out about our core issues.  Without exception, no matter what country people came from or what professions they had before saying yes to the call of ministry, we all had a core issue of, “I am not enough.”  You are greater than you know and you have everything you could ever need.  Are you willing to see yourself as God sees you?  I am willing to see.   The core factor that shows up in all of our relationships is the relationship we are having with ourselves.  Are you willing to see yourself as the Creator sees you?  If you are, just ask, “Dear God, I desire to see myself as you see me and to know me as you know me.”  ACIM teaches us that all we need to have is a little willingness.   In all of my significant, intimate relationships I gave myself away so completely.  Something deep inside wanted to merge with another and then there is no more I but “us”.  I was the one wanting them to be happy because they were the object of my attention and if “my object” reflected unhappiness I was unhappy.  I was desperately seeking love not realizing that I had love and a whole lot of it that I gave to everyone but me.  That’s why I want to really see fully this time.  I approach life with my eyes wide open now and with a listening always for Spirit.   Love wasn’t love to me until some divine, fine man said to me, “I love you.”  It didn’t matter that they only said it in response to me saying it first.  It didn’t matter that their behaviors said something completely different from what they were whispering in my ear.  It didn’t matter that my spiritual monitor was bleeping off the charts.  Once I merged into the “us” factor, I could rationalize and justify the most unacceptable behavior.  I really what to see this time.   I don’t want to forget that I am made out of the attributes of God.  I want to remember that those fairy tales that they poured into my consciousness as a little girl were just that…not real.  The prince came and kissed Snow White and she woke up from her deep sleep.  In reality, those kisses often times put you to sleep.   Those kisses made me fall asleep to the fact that I could look into my own eyes and tell myself that “I love you and I will cherish you for the rest of my life.”   I fell asleep to the fact that I could really enjoy my own company.  From my experience of enjoying my own company, I enjoy the company of others even more without trying “to get” anything from them.    My eyes are unveiled.  I am not afraid of people coming and going in my life. I am not afraid of what looks like a total dismantling of my life.  I have learned that it gets dismantled anyway when we surrender to the higher call.  Are you ready to see?    Here are a few simple practices that I feel with assist you.   1. Observe a daily prayer/meditation time.  Read a scripture or positive affirmation and meditate on it.  Another easy thing to do is pick one word that brings you peace and center your entire attention on the word for about 5 minutes.   2.  Write a letter to God surrendering all of your concerns.  Then ask God, “Please write through my pen and give me your wisdom regarding these concerns.”  You will be blown away how Spirit will move through your pen.  Don’t doubt it. God is within you; just give it a try.   3.  When you feel upset, angry, depressed or sad, realize you need to rethink a few things, and ask,“Let there be light, I want to see this person or situation in its true light.”   After you have affirmed this, be sensitive to the insight that flows to you.   Rev. Shaheerah Stephens is Author of The Wealth of a Spiritual Woman and the Spiritual Leader at Transforming Love Community.  She is a sought-after keynote speaker and workshop facilitator.    TLC’s website & phone number: http://tlctheplace2b.org.  313-270-2325 Each month we will feature writings that reflect the Truth Principles. Please click here to read other articles written by Rev. Shaheerah Stephens.